DO I REALLY MATTER?

(The real impact of one person on another's soul)

INTRODUCTION:

I wanted to preface the story below.  It is a text conversation between me and Joan Elizabeth Proctor, the daughter of my Little League Coach Mr. Proctor, who made a significant impact on this troubled child.

ME: 12/10/17

Hi Joan. This is Joey Daddario. I grew up in Timonium Maryland. I wanted to share a word of thanks with a little league baseball coach I had around age 12. I believe his name was Jim Proctor but I'm not sure. I do recall that he was a mail carrier and that his son also played on our little league team. Do you know how I can get in touch with him? Or are you related to him in any way? Thanks. I'm sorry to bother you if there is no relation. Sincerely, Joey

JOAN:

Yea it's my dad ! And he'd love to know you remembered him ! I'm thinking my brother James was in the team , although he coached when my brother David was too . I remember you ! Dad is on fb and also I could give u his number if u like . They aren't in Timonium anymore . Now they are in Parkton . On fb he's under James proctor

ME:

The sermon today in church was about thinking back to people who had brought light into our lives. People who had a positive lasting impact on us.

Mr. Proctor you came to mind right away. You were my coach in little league baseball. I believe I was 11 or 12 at the time. I could not hit a ball worth beans - a terrible hitter. Struck out almost every time I got up. But you took the time to instruct me how to hold a bat, how to stand with my right foot planted, how to keep my left arm straight. How to keep my eye on the ball and swing through. And then amazing things started happening…

I started to hit the ball. Not only was this a success by your teaching, I went from being the worst hitter on the team to the best hitter as the games progressed through the season. Even making “All County” in the 13-14 league. Obviously you had a significant impact on me. Something I will never forget.

You see my own father was not available emotionally nor in most other ways. I will never say that my parents didn't provide because they did. They were just very troubled people. My mom an alcoholic. My dad a man who played around on my mom. My home life was hell.

Little League was an outlet. At least I was hoping it would be. Before you took the time to instruct me and Coach me I was such a bad player that I remember crying once after striking out yet again. And I have to tell you it is so uncool to be 12 years old and be crying in front of your teammates. But like I say you changed all that coach Proctor.

Although I am semi-retired now, I sing and write songs and Lead worship at our Methodist Church here in North Florida. Yes a place in life I would never have imagined I’d be led.

Your example taught me the impact of one man on another person's soul. And I wanted to share that with you. And I'm so glad that I had this chance to do so. I know now that we can change lives - one at a time. Some people never know about the significance of their actions until they reach heaven. But it's enough right now to know that one person can make a significant impact on another person. In fact your impact was significant enough for me to write a song some years ago called On Common Ground. It's a song about wanting to believe that my own father loves me but not being able to truly know if it's possible. There's a line in the song about “coaches who in Little League groomed and trained a wild seed, a star for the crowd”. That reference is you. It is a sad song. But not a song of hopelessness. But it is a tearjerker. LOL.

So I wanted to thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I pray that I can carry forward your goodness to another and another. You see I believe that the blessings we receive become true blessings when we use them to bless others. And that is my intention. With much love and thanks, Joey Daddario

JOAN:

Wow , that is very touching ! That will mean a lot to my dad . Dad talks about old times all the time when us kids were little . He loves coaching , he's a huge baseball fan ! Never missing watching the O's games on tv ! What a nice letter! I love this . Love Joan

Well you certainly made my day ! I know this will really touch dad ! I just love that you are doing this !!!! You are a kind man !

 Joan ( keep in touch )

He had a stroke a few years ago so it takes him a little time sometimes to remember, I'm sure there's pics somewhere of the team . My mother had tons of boxes of pictures !

JOAN: 5/13/18

Just a little note to let you know three weeks ago dad found out he had a lot of cancer in his GI organs, liver gallbladder intestines and such . He wanted to die at home so mom took him home . He did well till two days ago and now he can't get out of bed and is on lots of pain meds so mostly sleeps. My family doesn't want anything on fb so I can't share it with my friends but I just had a need to tell you . Wanted to thank you again for your nice words . Love Joan

ME:

Thank you so much Joan. I really appreciate you letting me know about your dad. He is such a wonderful man. I'm so glad that you and I got a chance to connect. Let me know if there's anything I can do. I will certainly keep your family in my prayers. Love Joey

JOAN: 5/15/18

Dad passed tonight , I'm going to use your letter to read at his memorial if you wouldn't mind . He was so proud of that letter.

ME:

Hi Joan. I know this must be a hard time for you and your family. And my heart goes out to you. I would be honored if you wanted to read the letter I sent you and your dad. Truly it would be an honor. Thank you for staying in touch with me. Love Joey PS one thing I hadn't shared with you before but I will now is that I cried pretty much throughout the whole writing of that letter.

EPILOGUE

Somewhere between the time I first sent my letter to the time Mr Proctor died, I was rushed via ambulance to a hospital 3,000 miles away from home.  My appendix had burst and I was dying.

When I returned home weeks later, I was in such a depressive funk that I was crying several times a day.  My life felt violated – traumatized. Life seemed almost a joke. We live. We die in agony 3,000 miles from home without being able to say goodbye to our loved ones?  Or worse yet, not giving them a chance to say goodbye to us? 

Writer CS Lewis once cried out in grief, “Is God a cosmic idiot?”

So I got back into 1-on-1 therapy with a great counselor. Even finding her was a God-send. But the truly amazing thing is that some 4 months later I received the text from Joan that Mr. Proctor had died.  She had said he loved that letter I wrote and that she wanted to read it at his funeral. 

The tears flowed again. Isn’t God weird? Yes but God is not a cosmic idiot. Ha ha. You see, I was thanking Mr. Proctor for his time, caring, encouragement and he was elated to hear it.  But the story was not over as I thought.  Who knew that I would need, and in return receive, encouragement and purpose months later when my life was falling apart?  In Joan’s single comment asking to read my letter at her father’s memorial…well let’s just say I felt purposed by God.  We do make a difference – all of us.